


Ghost of a Smile

by ThatDamnLemonade



Series: Mark and Donghyuck Mini (Practice) Oneshots [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Body Swap, Hyuck and Mark are just soft for each other, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Not Beta Read, Renjun is that occultic cult leader we stan, Some characters are only mentioned - Freeform, TRIGGER WARNING FOR SYMPTOMS OF MENTAL ILLNESS, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 19:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19091362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDamnLemonade/pseuds/ThatDamnLemonade
Summary: Mark's hand finds its way to Donghyuck's and interlaces their fingers lightly. There's a faint voice in his head, his own perhaps, saying something sweet along the lines of let me commit to you. There's another, a husky, more honeyed voice telling him things won't work out."And if I promise that?" He decides to go with the flow. His bones ache with cowardice but this isn't a moment he wants to screw up. It is just another night of sneaking out and watching the sunrise with Donghyuck.





	Ghost of a Smile

**Author's Note:**

> Title from EGOIST's song.  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0V9DU6xrVBcX2VuINGulEw?si=KKD9nH6cRzCldVy3i34srA
> 
> There is minor mention of failed sexual assault about three lines after 'He once switched with a version of himself that had been dating...' in case you want to avoid it.
> 
> This was originally meant to just be a simple body swap prompt. Just lightly edited. Looking for a beta?

**[05:21, June 3rd, 2022]**

"Donghyuck, do you believe in freedom of love?" This is the first Mark has spoken since they left their dorm an hour ago. It's almost dawn and he knows they will have to head back soon. How could he ever say no to his younger friend? Seeing him in all his early morning glory with dark hair and tanned skin makes Mark's heart flip over.

Donghyuck's nimble fingers work their way through his hair and Mark sighs, in relief or in love, he doesn't know. There's an unknown sentiment swirling at the core of his heart and it seems much _much_ morbid than the thoughts flooding his head.

"As long as it carries commitment." The younger replied. His fingers falter for a moment and it doesn't go unnoticed. Mark's head on his lap is comfortable, but at the same time he knows—just knows—that there's something wrong with the air around them. It's just the campus soccer field at an ungodly hour of the night but the heavy thudding in his chest tells him that there's something yet to come. He can't put a finger on it and it irks him as much as magikarp being dismissed as a useless pokémon.

Mark's hand finds its way to Donghyuck's and interlaces their fingers lightly. There's a faint voice in his head, his own perhaps, saying something sweet along the lines of let me commit to you. There's another, a husky, more honeyed voice telling him things won't work out.

"And if I promise that?" He decides to go with the flow, just altering the words he intended to speak. His bones ache with cowardice but this isn't a moment he wants to screw up. It is just another night of sneaking out and watching the sunrise with Donghyuck. It is important.

Donghyuck—the boy he would gladly melt for. The snarky but kind friend he never knew he needed till they crossed paths. A necessity in his life, a saccharin addiction. Soft fingers and soft hair; hushed conversations, light-hearted bickering and lingering glances. These are typical moments for them. Sweet and thoughtful moments that bind them together.

But there's some sort of importance to this, almost as if it's a turning point in his life. As if an option window is going to pop up any second now and ask him to choose between looking for pearl oysters in a desert and going deep diving in a volcano. Equally ridiculous choices both of them. (Although Volcano deep-diving seems like a nice option for all those times he's managed to embarrass himself.)

The ghost of a smile plays on Donghyuck's lips.

"I'd consider it." He whispers, the wind carrying his words and all that is hidden within them.

Mark feels his throat choke and splutters before turning to the side as he hides his  flushed face. Donghyuck chuckles, hovering above him. The younger one's fingers are busy twirling a lock of golden hair and his free hand tugs at the hem of his own t-shirt.

“Then please do…”

But what's worse is that Mark can feel the way his stomach churns. There's blood flowing in his veins—thick and nauseous—and he's immediately hyper aware. It makes him dizzy, disoriented and soon...everything blacks out.  

—

**[05:33, September 8th, 2022]**

Mark Lee finds himself splayed on the leather sofa of his friend Jaehyun's house.

His vision isn't stable yet and he knows that it's happened _again_ . His throat is dry and it's beginning to hurt. _There's a lot you seem to know but fail to realize_ , he remembers Renjun saying one night as they strolled along the field after a university basketball game.

Weird, the university basketball game happened ages ago.

Sometimes, it's as if Renjun, with his petit figure and sharp eyes, has grasp on a reality Mark can't even imagine existing in. As if the boy has caught onto him slipping back and forth within versions of himself.

It's the aftermath of a blizzard, he thinks as he makes his way across the living room and towards the kitchen. There's the feel of thick denim burning into his own thighs and one look at the sleeves of some chiffon blouse confirms he's dressed and at a party. Or was, at least. This future Mark isn't drunk and that is suspicious because what future Mark he's ever exchanged bodies hasn't been far too gone? Drunk in his sadness and wallowing over the loss of something he doesn't know he would ever have.

He almost ends up tripping over a stray bottle of expensive liquor and quickly downs some water as soon as his hands can reach the water bottles. It's something he's taught himself over the years.

The exchange never lasts more than a few minutes. And it always has some purpose.

Mark knows by hit and trial now that he can exchange places with himself across time. Someone literate in the occult such as Renjun would call it 'Cross-time Body Swapping' but all Mark knows is that it isn't as simple as that. There's rules. And the first rule is that he only switches bodies at certain life-changing moments.

The future Mark in whose place he's drinking water—in Jaehyun's kitchen without any other sign of sober university students—must have had some purpose being sent back to the Mark who had indirectly confessed his love for Donghyuck in the warmth of the atmosphere that had been surrounding them.

All he's got to figure out is why _he's_ here anyway. It's always two-sided. Always.

His phone turns up to be dead as he fishes it out from a pocket (does he even own these jeans yet?). The wall clock in Jaehyun's kitchen had stopped working ever since he almost set the kitchen on fire a month ago. Maybe longer, given he's in the future.

The hands are stuck on 4:58 and he's feeling jittery already.

There's no sound. No ticking or tocking and Mark wants to run away. He isn't used to time that stops noiselessly. 

His throat is dry again. The priority at such times is finding people he knows. People who won't actually be awake but would manage to provide him with information nonetheless. There's a swarm of used cups and beer cans all over the staircase and he curses the party crowd in his head. He's going to have to help clean up later.

The staircase leads a cautious Mark to the first floor where he's been many times before. He can see Jaehyun's bedroom straight ahead, complete with a name plate and do not disturb sign on it, but his gut tells him that isn't where he should be headed. There's an impending sense of doom and failure whirring beneath his stomach. His legs hurt but he can't stop.

Future Mark—the one whose body he is borrowing right now—seems to know where he's going.

It's darker than other mornings and the thought that it might be a weekend passes by him. The corridor is clean and dry. The party never quite managed to reach upstairs.

I like the sunrise, the sweet voice resounds in his head again. I can't sleep well anyway, might as well see the sun.

There would have been phantom giggles ringing in his ears if it weren't for the slight sounds he picks up from a door to his right. It's a guest bedroom, he notes and turns away before he hears something again.

It's getting louder every passing moment and it's too intimate to intrude upon. He wants nothing but to run away but his legs won't move. He also wants to try the door knob and burst in but it's wrong. So, so wrong given what's happening around him.

There's another moan, shrill but in pleasure and quickly muffled and Mark's brain promptly shuts down.

It's Lee Donghyuck.

High and whiny, his voice tapering off and absolutely incoherent.

Mark has heard him like this before. Just once, and they had both been in high school, drunk and crazy enough to climb into bed and kiss each other silly with so much of noise before crashing and succumbing to sleep. The next morning saw a shift in their dynamic for the worse but he doesn't like to think about it. Whatever it had been, it wasn't even half as obscene as whatever he's hearing right now. He can clearly imagine his Donghyuck's bronze skin, glistening and positively shimmering. His hair a wild mess and eyes shut tight as hands that don't belong to either of them-

Before Mark can register what's happening, he's shivering horribly. A snap, then another and he feels like he's crumbling. There's at least two broken bones in his body and a pierced organ. His heart is fine dust already, he doesn't know what else he could lose.

It's blank all over again.

He's lost this reality.

—

**[05:46, June 3rd, 2022]**

"–ver, ever Mark, why would I ever abandon you?"

Mark squirms and groans in pain, shifting around uncomfortably.

It's happened again and _he_ changed it, _he_ fucking _changed_ it-

"Mark!"

Donghyuck's hands are warm and his fingers bruising against his shoulders. Mark wants nothing more than to get them off of him immediately. He can't touch Donghyuck right now, not after what he heard in some future that had now been stripped away. A future he was never going to live through again.

He doesn't know if he's supposed to be happy or scared.

He is screaming on the inside. As much as Donghyuck means to him, a broken future is something that should remain limited to science fiction movies and fairytales. Future Mark—or maybe ex-future Mark—broke the timeline knowing what would happen. There's no fucking way the guy didn't know.

He gently pushes the younger's hands away and wipes his forehead with a sleeve. The weather isn't doing him any good. He would curse it out if it wasn't for the remnants of blood curdling screams reverberating through his insides, poking every possible curve and corner.

"Cramp. Am sorry, what were you saying again?"

"...Nothing. I wasn't saying anything, are you sure you're fine? Do you want to go back?" Donghyuck looks genuinely concerned, Mark thinks. His hair are matted to his forehead and there's a darkness in his eyes that hadn't been there before Mark had left. He apologises silently but he doesn't look convinced, his face expressionless and hands still curled into fists.

Donghyuck won't believe him but it's alright.

Mark doesn't quite believe Donghyuck either.

There’s little crumbs of dreams and wishes of the future turning to dust beneath his feet. He doesn’t know how he feels about it, can’t name it, but it makes his skin crawl and his insides hurt even more. He doesn’t want to look at Donghyuck anymore.

"Yeah...I'll head back. You can stay if you want, I," Mark just heaves a sigh, the pain in his sides ebbing away, "I'll shower and head over to the studio. I've got some work left...See you later Hyuck."

Donghyuck reaches out and grabs the hem of Mark's shirt but the blond doesn't sit down. He gives him a small smile, leaning towards a grimace, and gently frees himself, turning away. He cannot look into Donghyuck's eyes. Not when such memories are still fresh and wet in his mind, ears deceiving him every living moment. Not when his head is filled with things that aren't supposed to exist anymore.

He can do nothing but laugh bitterly about it.

—

Mark has spent half of his 20 years figuring out the body exchange thing.

"My grandmother used to say that some of our ancestors could live in multiple bodies but baby, I really don't know how to help you with this."

That had been his mother's input on the possibility of his condition being hereditary. She had simply held his hands and caressed them as he cried all night. His father had ruffled his hair and told him to live the best he can. It could be both, a curse and a blessing, but it was part of him. Other than them, his elder brother knew there was something different about Mark but their age gap had been large enough to estrange them early on in life.

He’s cried. A lot.

He had learnt some things. The Marks who swap places both _need_ the swap. He comes back to the past when he remembers having been swapped with an older version. He should generally stay indoors and avoid all people if he switches with a Mark much older or younger than himself.

And that if the future ever changes completely, his whole timeline sees the effects.

It also involves a shit ton of pain to wake him up in the present.

—

**[12:07, June 3rd, 2022]**

"Mark! My man!" Jaehyun is smiling wider than he has ever seen before. "I'm holding a party this weekend. I need you to be there?" Normal, Mark notes.

Jaehyun has always been polite and handsome and charming all with muscly arms, toned pecs and beautiful pink hair and out of place in a plain and boring university cafeteria-

"Taeyong is going to be there and so is Doyoung. You know how difficult it is to get those two in the same room without them biting each others' heads off. Please, Mark?"

A vivid memory stirs awake in the back of his head and Mark swears he would chase it down with a broom in his hand if he has to. He focuses on finishing his pudding instead. It tastes just the same. All the students on tables near him are the same. It's all the same and Mark is nearly trembling.

"Sure, but Jae? Make sure you have rules about littering?"

"Done."

 

Mark is ready to leave as soon as he's done with dessert and head to his music history class when Jaehyun looks up from his notebook.

"You know, you can always bring a plus one. Someone you're head over heels for and who maybe lives with you-"

If it isn't ex-future Mark's memories being chased down dingy alleyways, barefoot and bleeding, it could always be Jaehyun.

In the same breath, Mark is afraid. Much much afraid.

Timelines have changed and it is only the second time this has happened to him. The first time he accidentally changed things, his childhood friend Daniel had never stepped foot anywhere near him and his mother had come back to life.

Adjusting to a life with a mother after spending seven years with a single parent had been extremely difficult and while he loved her to the moon and back, it had definitely cost more than a friendship to raise her from the dead.

He just doesn't know where he's headed this time because nothing seems to have changed at all.

"Don't look at me like that Mark! Anyone would die to go as your plus one. You're cute. And it's one of _my_ parties, they're always the best-"

"The messiest-"

"-and hottest, okay maybe a little messy but Taeyong's going to be there and he's a neat freak. So, you in right?" Jaehyun looks around and waves to a classmate as he blabbers at record speed.

"I won't drink much." Mark says. The cafeteria is swimming in front of his eyes and he just wants to lie down. Maybe see Donghyuck and bless himself. He catches himself mid-thought and shakes it away. There are other things to talk about. Like his future that has changed and his past that might see some effects. He wishes he had a convenient time machine or something hidden away in his desk drawer. He sighs, tuning back into conversation with Jaehyun.

"No backing out okay? No last minute assignments this time please-"

"Alright."

 _And it's final_. He's been roped into attending a party and God forbid if something happens to him, he would never know if it was a part of that universe he was supposed to exist in. Curse cowardly Mark Lee and his strange idea of changing the future. Fuck him honestly.

But then again, Mark has always been cowardly.

Will always be.

—

**[23:26, June 3rd, 2022]**

It's later that night and nothing has changed. Nothing that Mark can take note of.

There's a neon green memo on his cork board screaming '03:56!!!' in bold black marker. His notebooks have been cleared away, papers piled away under the cloth basket in his cupboard and textbooks dusted. He even went so far as to sort out his pens and throw away the ones that don't work anymore. All the plastic wrappers from Donghyuck’s lollipops have now been disposed of. His dirty pile of clothes has been dumped into the washing machine.

He's sitting on his bed, cross-legged with his laptop screen opened to yet another incomplete paper due the nearest Monday and stress clogging his sinuses. He wonders if he should take down the red velvet posters he put up last year.

"Mark, I need your comment on parallel universes. So," The door opens and Donghyuck steps in and towards him like whirlwind. He plops down next to Mark on the cozy looking single bed and looks at him with something akin to a wild mixture of concern and curiosity. There's a devilish grin on his face. It's driving Mark crazy. He thinks he needs an exorcism.

"Comment please?"

It’s almost a daily occurence. Donghyuck barging in with some eccentric thing to talk about as if it’s his bedroom, not Mark’s. He still gets creeped out by their discussion on which body organs they would like to preserve after death if they were pharaohs. Seems like today it’s parallel universe-

Mark blinks.

He's waiting in his room. On his bed. And there's Donghyuck in all his fluffy pyjama preciousness with messy hair running in all directions and traces of smudged eyeliner. There's also an air of intelligence but it just makes him sexier. He freezes. He’s here to talk about something they’ve probably discussed in passing before. He wants to confirm. There’s this urge to sit Donghyuck down, run a hand through his hair and fix it before opening his mouth to say something that is not required.

"Comment on what Hyuck?" His voice doesn't shake and he does a little victory dance in his head. He fears the younger almost saw his fingers twitch.

"Parallel universes."

"Pa... parallel universes?"

"Mhm. We're doing a survey for lit. We need to write a piece and submit analyses on similar works quoted on the survey. Professor Do's a douchebag sometimes, I know."

He's smiling genuinely. Mark wants to jump through the window and into the cacti their RA insisted on planting outside. Why universe, why would you ever-

"I don't believe in parallel timelines." It's a well rehearsed answer.

It's as much a lie as his favourite subject is advanced mathematics. Also as much a truth as he's Canadian. Hail the maple-

Donghyuck shifts onto his knees and in a fleeting moment of thought, he notes his bedsheets are blue, a recurring colour in the surroundings and before any epiphany hits, there's warm fingers under his chin. He might as well be imagining the thumb caressing his jaw.

"Really Mark? How is that even possible?" Donghyuck questions, an expression of disbelief greeting him.

Mark's eyes flit around and an answer is almost at the tip of his tongue. He can taste it, the lie that's about to leave him, metallic and hot. Unbearably hot. He can't. He just can't and his tongue won't _fucking_ move. The stress in his sinuses has long shifted to the back of his eyeballs, each pulsing to its own rhythm of self destruction.

There’s that voice in his head again, sneering at him. _You're a bore_ , Mark flinches unnoticeably, _maybe you just don't understand the concept_ , he breathes again but it doesn't feel like breathing, _it's too much for your pea brain_ , the gears in his brain are whirring and there's the tell-tale crack of a mirror somewhere, _don't you know how the MCU works?,_ he's afraid and doesn't need fiction reminding him because that really isn't how it works, _Mark you need to think outside the box!_

There was a time when Mark had sealed himself inside a cupboard. It didn't stop anything.

He swallows and turns away from the body looming over his, trembling as he turns the night lamp off.

The room still isn't dark enough, but he doesn't want to close the curtains that night. He used to be afraid of the dark when he was younger, he remembers. He should have bought himself a cute bed lamp.

"I don't. I just don't. There's just one set future." His teeth chatter with the frigidity of his lies.

Just one future.

What about the one you just destroyed? _Future Mark or not, it was still you_. You destroyed a dream. The only truth you were ever prepared to face. He gulps as the words in his head begin warping and melding into each other like horribly failing destructive interference. The only thing they're destroying is his will to speak.

"Alright then. What about...time travelling?" His face isn't clearly visible now but there's a spark in his voice. Mark doesn't need light or touch to figure out that Donghyuck is probably biting his plush bottom lip. That his eyes must be a little wider than when he talks about Michael Jackson. That there is a tremor in his throat. Normally, it would turn mark into a puddle of goo all squishy to play with—just for Donghyuck. Right now though, he's pulling at his bed covers and lying down. Donghyuck's fingers have settled to play with the collar of the blond's sleep shirt. He moves closer.

"Hyuckie...Can I answer that survey tomorrow? I'm really tired." His voice comes a little groggy but he doesn't want to deal with it right now. There's too much already.

Donghyuck doesn't move.

It's tiring, very tiring when you have no words to express yourself. A weight on the chest, acid in the stomach, ache in the gut...nothing is enough. The word tiring no matter how overused is the only fitting explanation.  

"Is it about this morning?" There's a lost little whisper and Mark wouldn't have heard it if he weren't already attuned to pick up Donghyuck's voice even amongst noisy mess halls.

"No, Hyuck, I- Did I say something to you?" He tries his best to pass it off as normal. He needs to know what that bitch of a Mark Lee said in his place. Whatever he said must have been radical enough to change entire timelines. The guy was an absolute fucking idiot and Mark doesn't know how to feel about that.

It's still him.

"You...I can't believe you. Nothing happened Mark, nothing at all. You didn't say anything wrong to me and _I'm_ sorry if _I_ hurt you in any way-"

"What are you on about?" Donghyuck's free hand finds Mark's thigh and kneads into it gently.

"I meant it when I said I would consider you. And I also meant it when I said I'll never abandon you. Isn't that what we both are on about?"

The words alone would have been enough to rip apart another hole in Mark's mangled heart but the faint rustling of sheets, soft skin dripping honey nuzzling his neck and chilly feet pressing against his calves swing him back to reality. However, his reality is still far away from this. From lean arms mapping his stomach and sweet whispers of everything but words. His reality is the one with a huge rift right in the middle of it.

"Yeah...I know, Hyuck." He says, his own arm securing the other within his vicinity. It's a lie again.

A blatant lie screaming in a pot of pitch black agony. There's the remains of a voice that are rushing to amplify, the sensations of a moment he had never wanted to witness and them there's a wave of melancholy. Just how many parts is the truth in the younger's words? Just how much is the depth of his reassurance? For how long is this going to last?

All he can hope for is that Donghyuck isn't a mystic or worse, a mind reader.

“Let’s go out to our dinner place this weekend. Just the two of us?”

Mark hums in response, his eyes stinging with exhaustion.

—

**[03:56, October 10th, 2015]**

 

3:56 a.m. rolls by like a marble on an inclined plane.

He's in his bed—his childhood bed—the very same he jumped and wrestled on with his brother. The buzz of a heater greets him.  Mark can feel the warmth spoiling him. He  runs his fingers along the mattress and locates the rip he and Jaemin had  accidentally caused while working on a super duper holiday homework model.

Jaemin likes to laugh about it till his present day as they eat candied fruits in the confines of his dorm room.

A smile finds it way onto his face and he can't lie down and sleep anymore. Just can't. It's as if an ever present nausea has been cured.

He isn't in the 'future' anymore. He gets to be goofy yet stricken sixteen year old Mark with a penchant for drawing stars in the margins of his chemistry notebook, with a brand new guitar that his present self keeps preserved under a layer of fine dust under his bed and a shit load of assignments he always manages to complete in time. If he looks a little harder, he can see the gleam of his student council batch on the desk in a corner of his tiny, sweet bedroom.  He gets to be a Mark with an obsession for living life to its fullest and doing everything possible within the grand scheme of things.

He sweeps off the bed, his body thinner and bony with all the extra curriculars lugging on his back. There's retainers in his mouth and he feels both nostalgic and irritated at the feeling of his teeth being pushed together for a lovely straight smile. The smiles will get wiped off very soon, he thinks, all with the yellowing cuffs of his sleeves, fraying sweaters, rundown sneakers and hollow walls.

He heads straight for the lamp, turns it on and blinks away the glare of bright white light assaulting him.

As expected, there's a slim blue diary tucked between two physics practice books in his school bag. It's a lot emptier than the one he owns in his time but little Mark with hopes and dreams doesn't need to know that.

'The next time a Mark visits, please do the following:

  1. Sleep. Fake a headache, stomach pain, cholera whatever. Just sleep.
  2. Tell mom. She will sort you out. (If you're younger than 9, yes, you have a mom)
  3. I swear not to touch anything or talk to anyone more than one sentence. You do the same.
  4. Live ////`||||`\\\\\\\\\|||\\`\\\|\|\|\|\|\|\\`\\`\|\



Good luck |\|\|\\\\\\`|||`|\\\|\|\\\|\\`\'

Mark doesn't get a chance to understand the lack of wording. He remembers writing more. He remembers writing not to leave any traces of the future or past behind. Something along those lines. He screams soundlessly.

—

**[04:20, June 4th, 2022]**

Mark breaks into a sweat as soon as he regains consciousness. His fingers are sizzling with sensation and he wants to choke. He can't hear anything, just the sounds of the void, his ears blocked and dysfunctional.

He slowly pulls away from Donghyuck's grip and admires the younger's soft sleeping face with an intense gaze before nearly pouncing on his own school bag. He drags it to the study table and switches on the dim yellow lamp. His fingers are shaking as they undo the zippers and dig through bundles of unclassifiable notes and files.

A familiar blue diary stares back at him.

Mark flips open to the concerned page silently, his heart drumming against his chest. The bright green post-it mocks him.

'Oct. 10. 2015. (Post-switch)

I woke up next to a boy I have never seen before. Because it was unexpected, I could not time the switch. Something has gone wrong. No other diary entries match up. My list for future Mark isn’t there anymore. Mom has no idea what this could be about. Don’t really tell her.

PLEASE LEAVE SOME CLUES FUTURE SELF.'

Fuck, not only had his future crumbled and restructured into an unknown abyss, his past was changing too. Was he going to disappear sooner? Does he still have all his friends? Is he still a student of SMU? Does he still love Donghyuck?

He stumbles back and drops into his chair, running a hand down his face. Uncertainty has always been his bane. His Achilles heel. He raises his eyes to catch a glimpse of Donghyuck. Serene, beautiful and calmly asleep. Unaware of the turmoil tumbling through Mark's existence. Sprawled across the small bedspread like a fairy with ichor running through his veins.

The memories of their first meeting flood back to him. A possible meet cute at the nearby convenience store in the dead of the night. Lee Donghyuck, the sought after troublemaker feeding cute little kittens outside in the cold spring weather. He’d never really been a troublemaker after all. Just a lost fresh adult _extremely bad_ at adulting all by himself. Their friendship took time given the younger’s sharp tongue and general demeanor. Sharing a dorm took another year, after making mutual friends and confirming that it wasn’t spite that filled Donghyuck to brim but misguided love and affection. Getting as close as they were now was, however, no big deal. It was a force of nature. Meet Donghyuck and fall for him. Fall for the strong and brave boy shaped oddly enough to maybe never fit into the mouldy mold of society.

He grins to himself. Some things will probably never change, not that he’s ever managed to changed something without breaking it.

He still loves Donghyuck. Maybe even more than before.

At least that's one question answered.

—

**[04:38, June 4th, 2022]**

"What do you want Mark?"

Waking up Renjun at odd hours is a task for the brave. The shorter boy, with orange hair mussed on his head and a deathly glare, is a force to reckon with. Huang Renjun holds the power to blow up entire classrooms and finish people with his bare hands.

But Mark knows that this little terror has a very soft spot for his friends and moomin somewhere. He hasn't yet managed to figure out the shape of his heart.

"I need help."

"Yeah, genius. I figured you woke me up at some bullshit hour to say spirits are fake."

Huang Renjun could also seemingly summon spirits and work dark magic at an Ouija board but Mark isn't going to risk antagonising him and spread rumours(?).

"It's...I don't know how to explain it."

"If you don't speak within the next twenty seconds-"

"Okay, okay. I changed timelines."

The air is a lot heavier than it was when Mark knocked on his dormitory door. Renjun quickly pokes his head past the doorframe and looks around. It's deathly silent. Mark's uneven breathing must be audible floors above—where Donghyuck must still be sleeping in Mark's bed.

A thin hand lunges out and pulls Mark inside.

 

"So, what's this about timelines?"

The two of them are sat on Renjun's bed. The door is locked and they ensured that his roommate Jeno was dead asleep on the couch outside.

"Jun, I need you to believe whatever I say for the next few minutes, like, just listen okay?"

Renjun nods, nursing a warm cup of chamomile tea between his palms. There's a bunch of candles lit on his dresser and Mark has the vague feeling of sitting with a shaman from the east. It's soothing, but eerily occultic.

"Ever since I was a small kid, I've been switching bodies with a future or past version of myself…"

Mark proceeds to empty his heart out. It is nice to know that Renjun is listening closely given by the occasional noises of surprise and agreement. The tea hasn't been sipped at even once so far.

He retells the story of how he found out what was going on in short, summarised the events of his early childhood where his father and brother always stayed nearby and how he suddenly gained his mother back one fine morning. It still sends his spine tingling, how everyone around him had been so at ease with a deceased person showing up out of nowhere. He was the only one who knew she had been six feet underground and nothing more than worn away bones. He spills whatever his mother told him and how he began keeping a diary to track the times he's switching.

"Wait! That was a real good move Mark. Hyuck would have never expected that of you."

"Shut it. Hyuck was the one who gave me the idea ages ago. He used to keep this planner I guess for events and shit. I just went along with it and it's been useful so far. But something's wrong with it Renjun."

Renjun shifts in his place and tips his head back, staring at the dark ceiling.

"Continue."

And Mark did continue. He knew better than to omit any details from Renjun. The boy was sharper than a hawk.

"Like...you know I and Hyuck go out in the mornings sometimes and we were sitting there and began talking about sappy stuff before I switched.

I've never been there before so it was definitely a future? I woke up after a party. At Jaehyun's house and moved upstairs to the guest bedroom. Sometimes the future body moves on its own from memory and I...I literally…" Mark's cheeks reddened and Renjun smirked.

"I heard Donghyuck moaning. He was having sex early in the morning with someone in the guest bedroom-"

"And does that bother you?"

"Of course it does!" He whisper shouts, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. His whole being burns whenever he thinks about it. There's a knife lodged beneath his spleen that digs into his intestines whenever he imagine Donghyuck's high pitched voice scream lewdly. There's definitely jealousy and bitterness. But more than all others, there's a spike of distrust.

Maybe all of this really isn’t worth their time. Donghyuck probably doesn’t like him enough to go out and do things with others even after being indirectly confessed to.

"Mark, you're 22. You haven't ever gotten laid because sex with anything but your beloved disgusts you. You have never had the guts to ask Hyuck out. Is there a problem in him sleeping with someone else because you wouldn't get your shit together?"

He stares at the other like an owl.

Mark's demisexuality is a problem. It keeps him from experiencing something his friends throw themselves around for. He hasn't bound Donghyuck, cannot bind Donghyuck because he believes in freedom of self above everything else. It hurts him and makes him cry. Hell, it hasn't been one whole day and he's been sniffing around the university corridors trying to control his tears. He understands somewhere that the problem isn't his lacking affinity for sexual intimacy but within the emotional bond he forms with people. Like all other problems in the world, Mark has no idea to solve this either, but he definitely blames his demisexuality as much as he embraces it. He'll never be Donghyuck's first, or second or even third and maybe...he'll never touch his tan skin and golden walls. Mark stops thinking; his spine is about to snap.

"I know. I know I can't hold him back but Jun, I almost told him how I feel today- yesterday morning. Isn't this rejection?"

"Why? What did he say after you almost confessed?" Renjun stands up and moves to his own study desk, putting down his teacup. He's sifting through an unnerving pile of notebooks.

"He said he would consider. But then I switched. Renjun, I switched into that after party scene and everything broke-"

"What do you mean everything broke?" His eyebrows are furrowed and mouth curved downwards.

"I experience a shit ton of pain whenever the future changes significantly. The future changed. When that Mark came into my body, he did or said something to Hyuck that changed everything."

"Are you sure it was that Mark who changed things and not you?"

The room fell silent for a few moments.

"Mark, before you begin thinking too much, I want you to listen to me." Renjun began and scuffled back to the bed with a paper in hand. He asked Mark to scoot over and lit another candle to see the paper properly.

"This is a small Venn diagram I made a few years ago-" Trust Renjun to apply math to the occult, "I came across this book in my high school library about body snatchers and swapping. No—don't give me that look Mark Lee, I _will_ pull your eyes out—it turned out to be about self-swapping.

You see here?" Renjun's sharp nail landed on a purple circle labeled 'purpose'. "You probably ruined this. Look at the rest, time, space, availability, emotional stability...you went and ruined purpose."

"What the fuck do you mean Jun? And how do you know all this? Why-"

"I switched bodies once. With Jaemin. Yes, Na Jaemin, your best pal. That's how we actually met. The books were real and I figured all other information in it had to be valid too. Though nothing else works. Imagine waking up with a head full of neon pink hair and in teddy bear pajamas. It was traumatizing."

Mark leans back onto the pillows, his head swirling. Jaemin had never mentioned anything like this before.

Renjun began explaining to him how he still used to live in Jilin then. How he managed to come to Seoul after three days of living in another body and wanting to meet the actual owner. Luckily for them, it led to friendship and a scholarship at SMU for said Chinese student.

By the time Renjun had finished explaining his own story—a spell gone wrong and Jaemin being in possession of another tome—Mark had been pushed into a spiral of regret. He was horrified. He probably wouldn't be able to look anyone in the eye.

An expression of understanding dawns upon him and Renjun is glad he managed to cause some kind of epiphany. He simple pat's Mark's shoulder in sympathy.

"So...you mean it wasn't that future Mark who said something and ruined everything but...me? _I_ changed something?"

Renjun scoffed and blew at the candles. The room was engulfed in darkness and the strong scent of extinguished flames. Renjun slid into bed next to Mark and rubbed his head carefully. Mark is scared of his future and his past. It’s what looking at yourself going through the years does.

"I wouldn't say you came to right place, but you definitely came to the right place. Mark, you witnessed something that was strong enough to make you reject that future.

Was that really Donghyuck moaning or...are you hiding something else? No, don't answer that. I'm disgusted enough for one night already."

They exchanged soft goodnights and Renjun drifted back into dreamland, the clock ticking somewhere around five.

Mark lay wide awake.

—

The first time he went to the future, he couldn't understand anything. He had been 5 years old and scared of everything around him. Secondary school was a nightmare but 5 year old Mark saw a grown up Mark in the mirror and retreated into bed, falling asleep as he shook and stammered.

The next few times were the same. He only ever traveled to his elementary school graduation, a high school festival and a middle school exam (which he failed miserably, being a 10 year old in the body of a 13 year old).

The first time he actually traveled further than school was when he was 14 years old. He had vanished in between a practice game after hours and found himself coming to his senses in a silent house.

From the ruins of his livelihood he found out that he had pursued some sort of degree in music composition. A plethora of music sheets and instruments greeted him and he was happy. Genuinely happy because music brought Mark life. In the midst of looking through his phone (he never used a password, good lord adult Mark!), he realized something.

His life was empty.

He had nothing other than whatever job he seemed to have. He swallowed heavily, going through his messages. He found out 4 things in those few minutes.

  1. He was 25 and an intern at a small company's music composition department.
  2. He was an absolute loner. His last message to Jaemin was seven months ago.
  3. He used to have a boyfriend. But there remained no traces of said boy existing except for the screenshot of an Instagram post saying "Mark and I broke up." Dating an year back from the date he had woken up on.
  4. He had a suicide note in his pocket.



14 year old Mark cried his heart out and scribbled a quick 'please don't die' before fading away.

 

He once switched with a version of himself that had been dating Donghyuck. It was a beautiful day, dipped in glitter and coated with snow.

He witnessed his break up with Donghyuck at the age of 18, the same year he first met the younger boy. He saw Jaemin and Jeno ignoring him after a hard day at work somewhere outside Seoul. He lived through an almost sexual assault at work and came back scarred, his legs shaky, failing him in the middle of a classroom. He cried again, never running out of tears after thinking what the future him must have gone through just moments later. He throws up and the nurse runs in to steer him away. It becomes an event of public and private humiliation, both for different reasons.

There were days he feared switching with a future self. Days where his thoughts reached a limit and he threw up again and again. His mother always hugged him and told him things could be good with a watery smile, but Mark often wondered if he had used up all of his luck in bringing her back. She isn’t around him now, she’s in Vancouver. Her hugs can’t reach here if he never tells her.

No matter how much Mark avoided it, no matter how much he refused himself, he still fell in love with Donghyuck. Handed over his heart to the boy that spun the sun out of wisps of laughter and sparkling joy.

There he was, living with hope buried beneath ice in his chest. Slowly, but steadily, the blanket of ice thickened. He doesn’t know if the hope still survives. If there’s anything worth surviving. He savours the time has in his past, lies in bed or on the floor, wishing. For what, he didn’t know.

He has never switched with a Mark older than 25 till this day.

—

**[08:19, June 5th, 2022]**

Mark's packed up. He is armed with an overflowing duffel bag, his school bag and an almost dead phone which barely ever has network service.

"Where are you going?" Donghyuck asks, one hand in a bowl of popcorn, too early.

Mark locks his room behind him and moves to put on his shoes. The younger is on their shared sofa waiting for their third and mysterious dorm mate, a boy by the name of Yangyang. He's never formally met Mark (if you ignore him almost scaring Mark to death during Halloween the previous year). He's the sort of guy that leaves random notes with round smiley faces and German phrases scattered all over their dorm.

"Away."

" _Away_. Mark Lee, you have any idea what day it is?"

He's still eating popcorn, his eyes focused on the television screen.

"It's your birthday tomorrow, I know Hyuck. I'll be back before classes start tomorrow."

"...hmm, okay. Before classes start. Just what's wrong with you?"

Mark pauses, one shoe dangling off his toes. "What?"

Donghyuck scoffs, "Stop looking at me like a stray cat."

"You should see your own face. It's like they told you Michael Jackson never existed."

"Don't drag the lord into this, you last century android addict!"

"You don't even do anything with your phone except for photography Hyuck, why don't I just buy you a camera?"

Donghyuck has to bite back another equally stupid response and claps his cheeks.

"Mark. You went missing the whole day yesterday and now you're...going backpacking one day before my 22nd? What are you? A masked superhero on his turf?"

The elder sighs heavily. He isn't ready to deal with a whole Donghyuck at this moment. Usually, they would bicker back and forth, throwing meaningless insults with poorly disguised flirting tactics at each other. But not now. Mark had things he _had_ to do.

"There's someone I need to visit. It's a family emergency."

Donghyuck's face falls immediately and he starts to get up from his spot. He's wearing Mark's hoodie, he notices belatedly.

"I'm sorry, are you-"

"It's okay Hyuck. I'm just going to go see my mom. I'll meet you later okay?" Mark gives him a small smile as he heads towards the entryway.

"Mark!"

Mark hums in response, checking for everything he requires.

"Be safe?"

He turns around with a smile smaller but prettier than before. He hates it when Donghyuck's voice wavers like that. As if he was about to gamble for something important against the universe. Mark wonders if he is worthy and cared for enough.

"I will. I'll try to be back before midnight."

—

**[09:01, June 5th, 2022]**

"Jaehyun!" Mark calls out after a minute of practice in his head, rushing to catch the boy before he heads into the college building. It's still early and the undergraduate course students have the day off.

There's still many students on campus though, just for the sake of doing something with their freedom and trying to break into the library. Mark regrets not visiting the library himself but he's got important things to handle. Things such as his extremely problematic life span and a broken sense of self. And Donghyuck. Can't forget him on that list.

The pink haired boy, in all his shining self, smiles wide. "Mark! Wait- didn't you have the day off? What's with the bag-"

"I'll explain it all later but look, I need you tell me when your next party is scheduled. The one after this Saturday."

"Gimme a sec." Jaehyun whips out his phone and like the saviour figure he has always been in Mark's (short) life, he draws up the calendar. Nobody is as organized about parties as Jung Jaehyun. He has everything noted and even probable dates marked separately.

"December. The next party is just after Christmas. I had one scheduled after semester exams and one after Halloween but I'm traveling home and…hey, where are you going?! Whatever...Good luck!"

Mark scurries away, his bag knocking against his hip and bedhead worsening with the wind.

—

**[09:56, June 5th, 2022]**

"You got everything you need?" Renjun asks. A concerned Jaemin is standing behind Mark, his arms ready to cut off the elder's blood supply around his waist.

"Yeah. Yeah I got everything. But are you sure this will work? I have never seen anything like it." Mark says, auburn hair in his peripheral vision nodding in answer.

"In this ritual-" Renjun has everything prepared, he assures. His bed has been pushed to the side and Jeno is going over to Mark's own dorm after a heavy session at the gym. Jaemin has brought with him his own copy of some godforsaken grimoire titled 'Body Swapping for Dummies by Witch Doyoung' and Renjun lays out the book he stole from his library. 'Cryochamber’s Flowers for Bodysnatchers'. Mark shivers.

"Mark, I need to mix your perfume into the paint. You're wearing it right?"

Jaemin grabs the perfume bottle from the bag and pinches his own nose, violently spraying onto Mark. "What the fuck Jaemin?! That was expensive-"

"Donghyuck gave you that because his far-off uncle gave him that and _he_ did not like it. I bet even that uncle didn't pay a penny for this. Don't worry too much about second-hand hand me downs." Jaemin muttered, spraying some onto his own wrist.

"That sounds so wrong Jaem-"

"Shut up! Shut up both of you. There's an unholy ritual going on you cannot interrupt it with your hobbleposh."

Soon there's a pentagram on the floor drawn in overly liquid modelling clay with odd symbols filling the arms and reminding Mark of the dry starfish his high school's biology lab kept as a specimen.

Then there's a hair from his blond head ("You really need to touch up them roots hyung") and a painful nail clipping in the centre. Before Renjun can spill what suspiciously looks like a can of shaving cream onto the floor, Jaemin covers Mark's eyes and his own. There's an ungodly squelch somewhere and Mark just hopes Renjun hasn't brought a live octopus into the room.

Then there's vanilla scented candles lighting up somewhere and Mark can feel the warmth of his mother's hugs and brother's laughter right at the bottom of his chest. He can see his father playing the guitar at church. They were such a sad family before he broke timelines. Where would they ever be without his mother now?

His heart almost lurches at the thought of switching with a younger self.

"Mark, now I need you to focus. You hold onto this-" A book shoved into his open palms, "and think of connecting with the person who has a future version of it. Think of a date."

"The party…? That was when everything went wrong." Mark supplies, his vision obscured and brain whirring like a set of overworked cogs.

"When was it? Can you remember?" Jaemin's soothing voice asks him.

"It wasn't cold and Jaehyun said there's no more parties before December. So June 8th?" He is hesitant. He can't exactly figure it out. Did he even own the clothes he was wearing that morning?

His throat constricts ever so slightly. Going to see Jaehyun had been for nought.

"I don't think going to a party will do anything. Mark, go to the time you first gave up on changing timelines. You don't want to change timelines even after the whole ordeal with your family. What's holding you back?"

Mark gulps. He grabs Jaemin's fingers shakily and removes them, his eyes finding Renjun's sharp but caring ones.

Should he really tell them? You shouldn't, a voice reasons. It's the same voice that told him to give up on a future all those years ago. It's him. It's his own voice. Hoarse and broken after hours of crying about the waste of space he will be for twenty five whole years on this planet.

He imagines how Renjun and Jaemin would feel if he died unceremoniously, if they would blame themselves.

"I die. Really young. Really sad. All alone." He whispers. There's a sharp intake of breath next to him and Renjun's eyes soften.

"So it really isn't that party you need to go back to." Renjun says.

He brings out another can that strangely looks like acrylic paint and begins scooping out tons of gooey substance into the centre of the mes- magic grounds. Mark feels horrible for Jeno who will probably have to clean all of it up.

"I've tried doing things differently but the outcomes never change." Mark is surprisingly steady, his voice smaller but fluid. It's as if he's just projecting, talking about someone else. Maybe about that tall lanky boy who sits in the cafeteria every morning trying to figure out the tangles in his earphone wire. Maybe it's someone's elusive brother, as mysterious as Lupin himself, as sparkling as the stars scattered across navy skies. It could even be the guitar club's gangly leader with skewed spectacles and a noisy boyfriend to boot.

"So...nothing that you've ever done changed your fate?" Jaemin asks in a hushed tone. He feels scared for some reason and Mark knows he's probably blaming himself for Mark's eventual demise. He doesn't know what he did in his past life to deserve Renjun and Jaemin, but he sure knows it was something phenomenal.

Mark shakes his head.

"I've tried changing subjects, grades, even enrolled at this university...it didn't do anything up until two days ago."

"Hyung, this is, to be frank, a good thing. What if your future changed for the good? Have you thought about that?" Jaemin asks. Mark feels stiff and his legs hurt after sitting on the wooden floor for so long.

"Renjun...what if I just lost the few years I have left?"

Silence, heavy with understanding and patient conversation, swallows them.

"I don't want to sound insensitive but...if your timeline really did change for the good, why are you scared? It's really just possible that your future is all happy and bright now. Or...Mark Lee," Renjun stands up and manoeuvers around the overflowing pentagram. He takes hold of Mark's face in both his hands and pulls it up to look at him. Jaemin doesn't intervene, but holds onto his friend's hand tight.

"Do you wish to live or not?"

Mark has admittedly never thought about dying before the estimated deadline when he flings himself over a bridge or drowns in a bathtub. If anything, the only thing he _does_ know is that he will drown to death. He can swim, but he wants to feel alive before death. Maybe see something new.

But he knows that he hasn't thought about surviving past aforementioned deadline either. It's black. Not the warm and elegant and sophisticated black. The scary, empty and intimidating black.

"I-"

"Calm down, Mark. Think carefully and answer us. We aren't running away." Jaemin's voice and thumb rubbing circles on his palm do wonders.

"Maybe. I've never thought about a life where I actually live beyond 25."

Renjun purses his lips into an unnervingly straight line and heads back to his place as head priest of the ritual.

"You're going back to the two days ago. And as planned, into Jaemin's body. Now listen up, we need your virgin blood and this will be fast-"

—

**[05:13, June 3rd, 2022]**

It's extremely _fast_. Almost the speed of an eagle fighting against raging thunderstorms.

He ran as fast as Jaemin's body allowed him. It was disorienting. Jaemin had a couple of inches on him and slimmer limbs which ruined his overall coordination but he managed to sprint (thank you semi-athletic body) and reach the grounds in time. It was probably the first time he had jumped out of bed and run outside dressed in pyjamas.

There it was. The very spot Mark and Donghyuck were going to occupy in less than ten minutes.

It was still silent, the sky a bright shade of lavender.

Mark thanks the heavens above that Jaemin is a school reporter. He swiftly switches on the smallest condenser microphone he found in Jaemin's bag and rolls it onto the bed of dry grass near their usual spot.

Five minutes before the pair arrives.

He sprints back to his dormitory on the other side of campus, panting and hoping that everything would go well.

It is also the first time he’s understood that virgin blood when it comes to the dark territory of occult, has nothing to do with sex and is different from the blood of a virgin. He doesn’t know if choking Renjun is a good idea. (It definitely isn’t.)

—

**[21:17, June 5th, 2022]**

He and Jaemin fall asleep for more than half the day after a strenuous body exchange. Present Mark and Past Jaemin that is. Seemingly, the past Jaemin was more than thrilled to find himself in Mark's body for a few minutes and fainted.

"He told him."

The scent of vanilla is heady. It's overwhelming him and he wants to bury his face into the rough cotton bedsheet—fuck any skin damage—and sleep the night away.

But the words pull him back.

He sits up, a yawn teetering at the seam of his mouth; eyes struggling to stay open. Is that clumpy mascara he can feel on his lashes-?

Renjun and Jaemin managed to clean up the crazy mess that had been in the room earlier that morning. If Mark squints, he can make out a weird red stain hidden very badly underneath the rug he got Renjun at a flea market last year. He makes a mental note not to buy body hiding stuff for his friend again.

"Who told who what?"

Jaemin runs a hand through his hair and sits on the bed next to Mark. Renjun is busy fixing them a cup of ginger tea each. Jeno is still out.

"Future Mark. Listen to this."

It had worked. Jaemin had retrieved the microphone and they knew what that bitch of a Mark(?) had told Donghyuck.

Mark took the earphone Jaemin held out.

"I need you to pay very close attention Lee Donghyuck." The sound isn't as clear as he had expected  with loud thuds and the rustling of grass in between, "Read my blue diary. In the school bag. And don't tell me—shhh— don't discuss it with me. Ever again. Unless I do so. There's weird stuff in there, but if you talk to my mom she _will_ tell you. I love you Donghyuck. Please don't ever abandon me like that again—"

Mark rips the earphone out as if he's been burnt.

"What the _fuck_?"

Renjun scoffs and pours the tea into three small cups, "Yeah exactly. I don't know how this really ties into you being suicidal-"

"I'm not _suicidal_ ,"

"-and switching with Jaemin here. Oh right, not suicidal. Just mildly anxious and on the verge of killing yourself because you don't know if you want to live longer. Being suicidal isn't always cutting or attempting to die. Waiting for death this impatiently is also sort of that. Don't fuck with me Mark, all of us have been telling you that there's something to sort out since- urgh, forever."

"I don't-"

"It's obviously ideation." Jaemin butts in with a grimace.

"...what...don't gang up on me…I know I need to sort myself out and I thought you guys would, like, actually genuinely help," Mark murmurs, playing with the sleeves of his shirt.

He doesn't even have enough time to blink before Jaemin and Renjun are sprawled over him in answer and his back hits the bed once again. He's billing these two for potential damage to his spine. There's fingers in hair and legs fighting for dominance over his lithe body.

"We love you. A lot."

"And we want you to suck it up and fix your mess of a life. You know I mean it nice."

Mark sighs, hugging them back.

"We're sorry, we didn't mean to be insensitive pricks-"

"Renjun-"

"He's right hyung, we shouldn't have been that blunt but this all- it's, it's frustrating and new to us and you are the only one who can figure this time thingy and we trust you to get your life nice and in order."

Mark remains, nearly crushed and breathless, beneath his two closest friends. He really misses his family at times like these. Wishes to gather all possible warmth in one place, wrap it up in shiny paper and top it off with a bow to stow it away in the empty Donghyuck shaped cabinet of his chest.

"I'm going to talk to Donghyuck."

"You want to take a gift for him? I still have a cherry bomb candle in my room-"

“Let’s just have dinner first.” Renjun says, and no one should ever go against Renjun. Not now that Mark knows he can probably magic them into another sad dimension.

—

**[23:34, June 5th, 2022]**

It's less than half an hour to midnight.

Mark Lee thought he could be a bumbling idiot sometimes but brave nevertheless. He had his credentials to back him up and a fine circle of peers to vouch for him.

What he didn't know however was that being captain of basketball for all of high school, winning debates and calligraphy competitions, being the ace swimmer of their local swimming association and a very wonderful academic to top it all off was...a waste when it came to dealing with Lee Donghyuck.

He almost stubs his toe against the shoe cabinet and curses. But he's fine. He hasn't made any noise. Yet.

"Where the hell were you, you absolute asshole?"

He should have taken those ninja training scouts seriously. He'll leave himself a note the next time he goes to the past.

"I told you. Family emergency."

"I called your mom and she was shit scared that you'd finally, I don't know, run away and flung yourself off a bridge or something. She isn't even in Korea? What the real heck Mark Lee?!"

Mark swallowed. Hard.

"It had to do with me, yes, but it wasn't really a lie. I was with Renjun and Jaemin the whole day."

"Yeah I know," Donghyuck's voice nearly breaks off, "I got a photograph of you sleeping with Disney princess makeup on."

Mark's fingers flew to his face and Donghyuck chuckles. "It's gone. Most of it is."

Mark breathes out in relief before realising that the situation is one he's been in many times before. Donghyuck being the stubborn and fiery spirit he is will keep pestering him till he gives in and spills everything. There's also a question Mark has for him. There's also questions in the younger's dimly lit honey eyes.

"You went through the diary," Mark says, almost breathless. Donghyuck in dim golden lights should be illegal. Donghyuck in Mark’s t-shirt and his shortest shorts has to be a crime in whatever time Mark gets to write the laws.

"Yes. Yes, I did."

He shifts to settle down on the floor, his back against the sofa and Mark follows. The topic has been breached but the ice is still frozen solid.

"So, did you figure anything out?"

"Are you a time traveler?"

"Not exactly," He says, scratching his ear mindlessly, "I switch bodies with different versions of myself. But in the same timeline."

Donghyuck just hums in return.

Mark had always thought their dorm room was big. Now it feels prickly and small.

"Where's Yangyang?"

"Date night. He'll be back tomorrow morning." Donghyuck scoots closer so that their arms touch and he rests his head on Mark's shoulder. His hair tickle the elder but they're both reveling in the moment. Silent and peaceful.

"What happens to us, hyung? It is bad, isn't it?"

Mark shifts to be more comfortable, his body turned and knees on Donghyuck's thighs.

"Yes. We break up. But, now, I don't know."

Donghyuck lifts his head and looks at Mark. It is impossible. Impossible not to fall for the depth of his expression. To imagine that this is the reason so many people lose their sleep out of fear. The reason behind annoying and roasting the shit out of everyone within reach. He's so soft and pliant whenever they're together, so loving.

"What do you mean?"

"I, I need to tell you from the start. Will you listen to me?"

Donghyuck nods, his hands coming to embrace Mark's scared little spirit. Mark smiles. He isn't scared when he's with him. The fireworks and sparkles ran out ages ago, the first time he witnessed their separation maybe. He thought he'll be left hollow when the butterflies scurried away. He didn't realize until much recently that he'd grown a whole floral garden inside him. A flower bloomed every time they shared secret smiles and life flourished whenever there was affection in the air. Hushed conversations brought the plants their will to remain rooted and fleeting touches gave them all the sunlight required. Love, to Mark Lee, was a tangible emotion, which came in the vessel called Lee Donghyuck.

If Mark suffered from Hanahaki, he thinks, there's no guessing which flower he would throw up. There's just so many.

It's less than five minutes till the big hand reaches the big number and Mark has finished summarizing most of the recent events. The older ones can be kept confidential for a while. They will work through them together, fingers intertwined and thoughts coherent.

"Hyung, I would never, ever sleep with anyone but you. No, not because you love me but...I stopped going out with other boys and doing stuff when I realized what you...mean to me."

His cheeks are flaming and Mark could burn if he touched them. However, Mark is a carefree soul and he gets burnt. Only to be rewarded with nuzzling and a soft kiss on his palm. This is the fire that Mark has always been looking for. A bright yet calm flame to finally thaw that ice trapping his hope.

"So you know I love you?"

"It's always written on your forehead in big red letters." Donghyuck says and he smirks. Mark was wrong about the fireworks running out.

"You don't have to feel the same way, Hyuck."

"How much time will it take to convince you that I already do? I'd never admit this to anyone, and if you tell on me I'm biting your tongue off, I feel all squishy and mushy for you okay? Me, the great Lee Donghyuck, I turn into a little puddle at the very thought of you."

They've shifted ever so slowly into each other, Mark's hands around Donghyuck's waist, the younger half on his lap and half on his chest.

"What gave me away?"

"You almost confessed to me. I wasn't sure before that? I really wasn't, it's always so difficult to tell. I knew you loved me as a friend but...I needed something more and you...urgh, you idiot," Donghyuck hides his face in the crook of Mark's neck and the blond giggles. Literally fucking giggles because he's the happiest he has ever been. His body might burst with sparkles and glitter falling onto the floor.

"I gave you a hint that I can give you that _more_?" Mark feels smug. _Smug_ , he hasn't felt this in ages.

"Yes you dumb fool, now it's my birthday and I get a present. Tell me what you brought me?" Donghyuck is back at it, his antics escalating and trying to cover up the softness he revealed.

"Whatever you want," It's just whispers, Donghyuck's breath heavy and hot on his skin but Mark knows that the voice in his head is wrong. Donghyuck's honeyed tone overtakes the screaming of a demented younger boy with fear and dread sunk and bound to his bones. He's going to latch onto Donghyuck's words for a while, build a boat out of them, till he can reach that boy and cross the ocean together.

Donghyuck sits up, his face clear and set. There's determination burning in his eyes. His hands grasp the collar of Mark's shirt and he's pulled closer, closer. All he can see and feel is Donghyuck. Donghyuck sitting on him, Donghyuck holding him, breathing over him and speaking for him to listen. He can hear Renjun say whipped somewhere in the back of his head.

"Mark Lee. All I want for this birthday is your honesty."

Mark blinks. He has no idea where that came from. All he knows is that there are tears in both of their eyes and smiles taking over both their faces.

"It's all yours. Happy Birthday, Hyuck."

It's 6th June, 2022, a few minutes past midnight.

Mark's new future is still uncertain and he has no way of knowing what will ever happen. The uncertainty makes his fingers spasm. He still wants to run away and live in solitude but he's grounded. In more ways than one.

"Is this fine? Can I kiss you, hyung? Can I call you mine?"

Mark doesn't know how he manages to, but he says yes. He meets him halfway and among everything swirling violently behind closed eyelids, he can still see the loving smile and warm eyes Donghyuck always held for him.

There's fingers finding their way to link with his. Donghyuck's knee nearly slips off and Mark's hands find him again, stabilising. Their lips slide against each other, slow and cautious, their long awaited kiss. It’s so different from the last time this had happened. They hadn’t known the extent of each other’s feelings back then. Mark doesn't even have to think anymore.

Whatever the hell is waiting for him, he'll deal with it in his own time.

—

**[01:27, June 6th, 2022]**

"I also got you a cherry bomb candle fr-"

"Oh, shut up Canada," It's fond and Mark really can't decide what he likes better, Donghyuck speaking adorably or sucking his soul out with those crafty lips of his.

—

It's a long, long journey. It's tumultuous. Rough and patchy. Sometimes there's cracks in Mark that even Donghyuck can't fill. But they make it work. They're not alone and it strengthens them.

It takes time before Donghyuck manages to understand the exact circumstances his better half is involved in. Needless to say, he prods and irritates Renjun till he's switched with Jeno and Mark isn't willing to kiss any form of him. It's a pretty nasty affair, all with Donghyuck thirsting after his boyfriend in Jeno's body and Mark running all around, trying to keep from screaming.

By the time they graduate later that year and Renjun has decided to pick everything up and shift all the way back to Jilin (with Jaemin and Jeno in tow this time), Donghyuck and Mark have come to a mutual understanding that they love living together too much to let go of each other. Things roll and pile one upon another and they do their best to become functioning members of society.

Mark and Donghyuck both have breakdowns every once in a while and struggle to secure themselves enough. There's screaming and disagreement and even times when they're at the verge of taking a break and live away from each other once.

But they grow up together. They have their weekly movie nights and convenience store runs. They still bathe together whenever possible and their conversations are still soft and slow. They learn how to handle their disagreements. They always learn new ways to love. They have each other. They'll always have each other.

 

It takes even longer for the two to establish physical intimacy beyond kissing. The first time Donghyuck made a move, Mark had panicked and nearly died after hitting his head on the floor. It caused a little trouble but they are Mark and Donghyuck. Not even a universe filled with different possibilities could separate them.

The looming probability of being fired due to concussion-caused amnesia was nothing.

"Mark Lee, you dumb dumb fool, I love you. You're the best." Donghyuck says as he presses more kisses all over Mark's high cheekbones, his lip gloss smearing all over and both of them are too far gone to think or do anything about it. Mark is in love with Donghyuck’s lip gloss. He looks at him apply it before they run to catch a bus every morning. He also gets to taste a bit of it as Donghyuck alights, a whole three stops before Mark. (He is partial towards peach and watermelon) He also gets to see it being reapplied on nights like these, where they’re getting ready to attend a party and said party becomes absolutely forgotten in their conquest of each other.

It's unfortunate that Mark switches without any notice just as Donghyuck is making whiny noises on top and biting love into him.

If he weren't sobered by the slight pain of a switch and the sensation of being pulled across a wall, he wouldn't be able to differentiate between the scenes he'd switched from and into.

He feels his body ache dully, blood thrumming through his veins and a loud gasp is stuck in his throat.

He tries moving a leg, jittery and toes curling.

"Oh, you switched. Hello younger Mark." A familiar husky voice speaks next to his ear and he's immediately attacked. There's a plethora of sensations overtaking him, the tingling in his nerves, sweaty skin pressed against his and Donghyuck's hands kneading his own. The room is dimly lit. He can’t see far beyond without his glasses or contacts.

He turns and is about to say something as Donghyuck catches his eye. He's far gone. Totally. His hair are a dark brown but the interspersed strands of silver and grey are unmistakable. If he looks closely, he can almost see small wrinkles at the edges of his eyes. He can feel his skin on him and it sets his heart aflutter.

"What? Got your breath stolen?...Am I that beautiful?" He's moving ever so slowly and is breathing so heavily himself. Mark is rendered speechless, he didn't know his body could be this sensitive.

"I-" Mark has to gasp and reach out for the sheets beneath him.

"Just stay. Don't think...Just stay. It's far from your time, probably twenty years in?"

He pauses to moan loudly—something he's glad hasn't changed—and sits up to brace his forearms on Mark's chest.

"I want you to know, that...even if you weren't the first, or second, or whatever...number you've counted, it's been years and you've been the only one. I'm-" He moves again and Mark can feel the blood rush to his head, "I'm not leaving. Haven't gone anywhere yet."

Donghyuck ceases all motion for a second and Mark, perhaps by muscle memory or instinctively, reaches out to brush away hair from Donghyuck's glistening forehead.

"I love you, Mark. And we have too much to lose if you ever think of giving up. Too much,” A hand comes to caress his face. He thinks he saw something sparkle. “So, ngh... don't ever give up."

He's feeling too much to reply. Donghyuck (older Donghyuck? Is this even legal?) shuts him up with a slow kiss.

When he switches back mid-kiss, he cries. He honest to god cries all messy and loud and Donghyuck gets scared because one second he's being adored and loved and the next, Mark is malfunctioning like a normal human being, leaking tears all over him.

It's tears of happiness and relief though, he comes to understand much much later.

("So, was the older Donghyuck better than me?" Mark doesn't know how he can ever answer that.

Although he's going to have to answer that someday, when an older and more beautiful Donghyuck greets him back from a body switch, ready to chew him out for loving a younger version of himself so carefully. Fondly. Always fond.)

Mark is always a little anxious and uncertain, a little too scared of the future and past.

Donghyuck is always a little aloof and moody, a little too uneven to fit into the mouldy mold of the world.

The world alone is enough to break them, the world is enough to break anyone.

They smile, because now they know there's no other way to remedy it but to walk together, hand in hand, all the way to wherever the end of that godforsaken world lies.

 

(End)

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, they get a happily ever after in this household.
> 
> If any of you manage to figure out exactly what caused the entire change in timelines, you get a chance to prompt me for another fic. (I really need to get back into writing and that might be a healthy challenge)
> 
> Like regular human beings, please leave comments on improvement below and stream Superhuman.


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